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Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Drift 4K or Motorcycle Vs. Car Drift Battle 4 or Drift 4 or whatever.

My whip, a 67 Mustang dubbed "Sweet Tooth"
First, Watch this here clip Vlad's sister Natasha made...

Then read this to yourself in the best Officer Dan accent you can muster. Thanks. Also, I wish I could be writing this to you in the Disney font, cause it's so warm and inviting. Computers ain't my thang.

Welcome to Drift 4K Amigos. As the "story" left off, Nick and Ernie headed towards Mexico to avoid another sticking from the long arm of the law. I followed them boys down there, we had some good times, and caused some right purdy mayhem for the fine people of Mexico. After a while we drifted (see what I did there?) apart and went our own separate ways. Since I was promoted to customer at my last job, I went to seek new employment. Turns out employment found me.

Random unemployed selfie
They called him the "Sugar Daddy". A well off Eastern European with a love for fast cars and a hankering for sweets. He had me running that pure cane you can only get from Mexico back and forth for damn decent moo-la. He wanted it to look like drugs to make him seem like a real bad ass, even if it was just sugar for his morning noon and night coffee. Whatever, a paycheck's a paycheck.

Vlad, explained
 Anywho. Sugar Daddy, or Vlad, as I found his real name to be is a strange cat indeed. On top of his confectionary love, he has a keen obsession with them two drift bike boys. I often spoke of the shit show they called a drift extravaganza, I'd even seen some lame excuses for a youtube video with them in it. Thinking back on it, I'm assumin the whole reason he found / employed me in the first place was to get to them. Over the years he hatched this grandiose plan to get them back to glory, bring them to Miami from Mexico and beat them down like they'd never been beaten before. Obsessed much?

Just a small sample of Vlads stash
 He went out and spent 10's of 1,000's of dollars on escorts, taxis, plane tickets, bikes, leathers and so on and so forth for them hoodlums. Went on and on and on about them losing their "bowls". I don't even know what that means, nor do I really care. Told me I would be "getting de best bonus I head ever seen", so I didn't ask many questions. He said I was supposed to make sure they were in halfway decent condition before I sent them his way... I knew they weren't but I figured I give it a whirl anyhow.

Last known photo of the "drift extravaganza"
Off to Mexico I went.

Didn't take long to find 'em. They had gotten themselves kicked out of every venue they tried to do demos in for lack of crowds giving two shits and even less pesos. I Traced down that line till I found em at rock bottom. Doing half assed stunts in a run down dirt lot, for a crowd of 1. I'm pretty sure passing tumbleweeds could make more money than these two at this point. What a waste of good talent and gasoline.

Quit playin in the dirt, it's dirty.
 Vlad had rented the track, whose backlot they were performing on, and asked me to run em through the course a few times to get em back into shape. I obliged with pleasure. Felt good to be drifting with them boys again, even if those old wore out vato zoned bikes they was on were on their last legs.

me, complete badass, skid racin with them boys again
Sure didn't take but 5 minutes of fun for Nick to run out of gas and Ernie to blow a tire. I had also embarrassed them enough for one day. I figured then was as good a time as any to lay a job on em. I knew they wouldn't be able to say no. I gave em little to no instruction and tossed a suspicious looking package their way. I told them my new boss was expecting them and that they'd best be on the way if they knew what was good for em.

About to help these boys get bowls back

Off they went into the desert. Probably would have been better to get them a cab to the airport, but wheres the fun in that? Needless to say Vlad had a plan for that too. He figured they wouldn't get far and sent a "Shepard" to help find the way. Right on time he was too. Just as they had run completely out of gas riding nuts to butts on a bumpy dirt road, the driver showed up to save the day.

Taxi driver and me somewhere in Mexico
Not sure what happened on the ride, but I am sure it was a good one. I've had more than a few drunken rides home with the driver, and I am pretty sure he was always more drunk than me. What a champion. They dawned Vlads "Miami appropriate clothings" and off they went on a flight to Flow rida.

Stock image of some cool Triumphs I found.
To make things easier for them once they finally got to Miami, Vlad had two brand new turbo Triumphs waiting for them in the plane hangar. He left no other instructions cept a note that said "here are bowls, love SD" Still confused on the whole bowl thing, but I digress. You see, Vlad had a plan for everything. He knew they would immediately head out and terrorize the streets on their new steeds. They did thusly. He sent his sister, Natasha after them to send a message. After a small and unfruitful chase (they had no chance, I've seen Natasha drive), she lost them and left a note in the most spectacular way.

Natasha laid the smack down on them but good.
Lol you just got beat by a girl.
They got the message and headed out to the track in the early (for me anyways) hours of the morning. After realizing first thing upon arriving that they had been bested by a girl in a Scorpion P6, they were whisked off to deliver this "special package" to the Sugar Daddy.

Vlad in one of his more natural poses.
They walked into one of his many garages to deliver his package, where he was poised looking over the engine bay of his Armageddon Twin Turbo Mustang. Probably reveling in the fact that he had 1,400 horsies on tap, but whatever, Natasha does all the work on his cars anyways. He doesn't even know what he's looking at. He just likes to have the best of the best. Speaking of that, now that them boys had their "bowls" back, SD was ready to challenge them to a drift off. He was ready to gain the fame and fortune of beating down the unbeatable motorcycle dudes.

Long distance coffee sugar, delivered.
 They had just realized that they had traveled 1,000s of miles to deliver sugar, only to be challenged to a drift off on Vlad's home track. I'm assuming they were down right confused about everything that had just happened. After shoving countless confections into his pie hole, the drifting began. What a spectacle it was to behold. Them boys was on point, but Vlad was a monster let loose with an Armageddon 1400 horsepower Mustang. If only I could have gotten behind the wheel of that beast. Maybe some day.

Back and forth they went

Vlad seemed to be laying down a smoke screen they couldn't see through, thanks Armageddon

But them boys was fast.
If only his lug nuts were tightened all the way on that fateful driver side wheel. Shame how that had to happen and them boys got away. Seems this story may have had a totally different endin had they been tight. Then again, maybe it's just the beginning. I don't reckon Vlads done with them boys just yet.

#lugnuts aftermath

Officer Dan out.